Sleeping with a Broken Heart
by labellecrise
Summary: Leah and Jacob: both have been broken and both are trying to pick up the pieces. But what will happen when they try sleeping with a broken heart? After BD.
1. Chapter 1

**Prequel**

Nature: a primitive, wild condition; an uncultivated state; the original, natural, uncivilized condition of humankind.

We were supposed to have defeated the laws of nature. We were the ones they called the creatures of the night, the shape shifters. We were the men who became beasts. We had the supernatural world on our side.

And that was what we believed.

We believed that our condition set forth rules, an unbreakable group of laws that would cause our world to make sense.

That was until I happened.

Then everything changed.

**Chapter One**

I was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That's what I was. I sat on the couch in my pajamas, spooning ice cream out of a carton and wallowing in self-pity. Another Saturday night alone…

I dipped my spoon back into the carton of ice cream and continued to devour its chocolatey goodness. An old movie was flickering on the TV before me, but I wasn't really paying attention. It was hard to focus on anything other than loneliness.

It all played out in my head over and over, how my heart was broken and I turned into this monster, and I wasn't even talking about the werewolf part. I wasn't sure which part bothered me the most: how he was able to leave me so easily or how much it hurt me.

"Leah?" my brother Seth tiptoed into the room.

"Earth to Leeeaaah," he sang out waving his hands in front of my face.

"What do you want, Dipshit?" I snapped back. Seth opened his mouth, slightly taken aback, but was too afraid of what I would do to him to offer any sort of retort.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" he asked hopefully, moving to sit on the arm of the couch above my head.

I just looked up at him and gave him my "are you kidding me" look and turned back to the TV.

"Come on, Lee…it could be fun…" Seth attempted again, pulling on my arm.

I shook my head again, wishing he would just leave me alone for once.

"No Seth, I'm not going to hang out with a bunch of vapid, immature boys and pretend like everything's just dandy because it's not. God, it's bad enough that you're always in my head when I've phased, but I definitely don't want to spend my free time with you," I huffed, hoping my rant had done the trick.

His brown eyes filled with hurt as my words finally seemed to seep into his thick skull.

"I don't understand why you act like this, Leah…you deserve to be happy."

He got up from the couch and turned towards the front door, my heart breaking as I watched him leave and my blood boiling. I didn't understand it either. I didn't understand what the hell it was about Sam Uley that left me so goddamn miserable. I mean, everything with Sam was ancient history…or it should have been.

I ran my fingers through my hair and stretched before getting up from the couch. Tonight, I decided, I would make just another one of several attempts to be what everyone wanted me to be…happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Beer, a bonfire, and a bunch of stupid boys: this was what was supposed to heal my broken heart. But as I sipped my second beer, observing Sam and Emily sitting by the fire, his hand lovingly rested on her swollen stomach, my heart's million little pieces seemed to shatter into a fine powder.

"Well if it isn't Little Miss Sunshine," a voice whispered in my ear.

I didn't have to turn around to know who it was. I could tell by the way my body tensed as he shifted to sit beside me. It was dark, but the outline of his smirk flashed vibrantly in the moonlight.

"Shove off, Black. I'm trying to get drunk here," I muttered, knocking my beer back to take another gulp.

"You know, Leah…alcohol isn't the answer to your problems," he chuckled, taking the bottle from my hand to take a sip before handing it back to me.

"Don't you have a little leech to babysit?" I shot back, glaring at him, but he just grinned in response, the light from the bonfire highlighting his firm jaw.

We sat in silence, watching the others. Quil and Seth were dancing around the fire as Embry, Paul, and Jared were engaged in some sort of drinking game, all of them already drunk off their asses.

I shook my head, feeling the corners of my lips twitch as I watched them falling over each other.

"I'm glad you came out tonight," Jacob spoke suddenly from beside me, causing me to jump a little. I turned to look at him, my brow furrowing. Did I hear correctly? Jacob Black was never ever glad to see me, ever.

I shrugged in response, my eyes never leaving the happy couple sitting across from us. Jacob followed my gaze, and shook his head slightly, stealing my beer to again to take another swig.

"You know, I really don't think he means to hurt you," Jacob mused.

And there it was…my stomach churned. A familiar feeling crept up in the pit of my stomach, the anger I created to erase the pain.

"Damn it, Jake," I responded through clenched teeth, shaking my head.

I really wished I could just go one day without someone trying to justify it. _He had no choice_, they say. _He didn't mean any harm_…but that doesn't mean that he didn't do any harm, that he didn't make a choice.

"Look, I've gotten hurt too…Bella – she ripped out my heart, Lee. I had to watch her become a bloodsucker and it just killed me…" he spoke slowly, remembering.

"Don't pull that broken hearted shit on me, Black. I know better. You may not have gotten the leech queen but now you have the princess," I spat back, registering a slight flinch on his part.

"Leah, you've heard my thoughts…you know how I feel about Nessie. She's like my little sister or something. But Bella was my first love, and having to see her every day as this monster she's become. It kills me, just like it's killing you to see Sam and Emily starting a family, " he stated matter of factly.

Who the hell did he think he was? How dare he compare me and Sam to him and that cold, dirty bloodsucking bitch?

"You know what?" I asked, shooting daggers at him with my eyes. "Fuck you, Jacob Black."

I moved to get up, but Jacob was too quick, his strong hand firmly grabbing my bicep.

"It'll get better, Leah," he said pulling me towards him firmly. Our faces were so close I could feel his breath on my cheek, his eyes set intensely on mine. I knew that he meant well, but I just didn't want to hear it from him.

Sure, he might have gotten his heart broken by that stupid bloodsucker once upon a time, but now he had imprinted on her daughter and everything was rainbows and butterflies for him again. I, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky.

"Let go of me, or God help me I'll rip your arm out of its socket," I growled back, narrowing my eyes. But the little twerp just grinned back at me and released my arm.

"Asshole," I spat back at him. As I got up to leave, I couldn't help but notice Sam's intense eyes following me as I stalked off.

"Love you too, Leah," he called after me, his voice sickeningly sweet.

As I walked home alone Jake's words were playing on a loop through my head.

Of course I knew Sam deep down never meant to hurt me, and that was what made it hurt the most. If it wasn't for this stupid curse, this stupid fate we've been doomed to, we would have been together. He was the only love I ever knew, and it was just too hard to let go.

I could feel the tremors begin as I continued through the woods, quickening my pace in hopes of calming down, but it didn't work.

I was angry, angry at the curse that took my femininity, my father, and Sam.

My two footed trot became a four footed sprint as I ran through the thick brush of the woods, a long, raspy howl erupting from my chest as I ran.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Owwwwww," Seth whined as I slammed the door shut behind me. He was sitting at the kitchen table, his head resting in his hands. And damn, he looked miserable.

I wrapped the robe I kept in the garage in case I transformed around my waist and clapped him hard on the back.

"Leeeaaah," he moaned, rubbing his temples.

"Aw, widdle brother can't hold his liquor?" I teased, opening the refrigerator to pour myself a glass of juice.

"That's not funny, Leah. You had me worried sick, letting Seth get drunk then disappearing, what were you thinking?"

Shit. I groaned and turned to see my mother standing in the kitchen, hand on her hip. She had that scowl plastered on her face, the scowl only I could do better.

"I thought you would be too busy with Charlie to notice we were even gone," I retorted childishly, my eyes challenging hers. Did she dare even fight me on this one?

"That's not fair, Leah…" my mother trailed, her eyes desperate. "You just can't wander around the reservation doing whatever you want you know...I worry about you"

"Oh, please…the only thing you were worried about last night was your precious Charles," I spat back, rolling my eyes.

Seth propped his head up, his eyes wide with shock. His eyes were going back and forth between my mother and I as if he were watching a knock down, drag out cage match.

"Oh, Leah…don't be stupid. You know I love you guys," my mom sighed. I could tell she was getting tired of this, of me.

"Like you loved dad? Really? Is that why you hardly waited until he was cold in the ground to go after Officer Swan?" I hissed, my eyes narrowing.

My mom inhaled sharply and I could see tears pooling in her eyes. Seth's eyes met mine. He was shaking his head and mouthing stop, but I couldn't stop. It was like a disease. I wanted her to feel how I felt. I wanted her to be broken and alone like me. I wanted her to feel my pain.

"You don't mean that, Leah…" my mom sniffled, tears running down her cheeks. Seth jumped up from his seat and reached out to embrace her, his eyes shooting daggers at me.

"The hell I don't," I growled before turning on my heel to leave.

I don't know how long I was in my room, but I if I could have my way I would have stayed in there forever. I listened to hushed whispers talking downstairs, probably my mom trying to convince Seth to come talk to me, and stared at the ceiling.

I knew my mother would be mad at me for a long time. Like me, she wasn't exactly a quick forgive, but I wasn't hurt or anything. Our relationship wasn't what it used to be…hell, it hadn't been in a long time. She used to be my best friend, the one person in the world I could tell anything to, but since I transformed things were different.

My dad died, Sam left, and she started seeing Chief Swan. And since then, we've been two people completely out of sync, just going through the motions of family life. I could hardly believe we had managed to live in the same house for so long without one of us killing the other in their sleep.

I knew she blamed Seth and I for my dad's death, and she was doing her best to try to move on. But no matter how hard she tried, nothing could undo the damage she was doing to me, and most importantly Seth. She was never at home anymore because she couldn't stand to be around me, not when I'm like this.

Its not like I should be surprised, though. I lose everyone I love.

I lay on my bed, lost in my thoughts until I was drawn back into reality by a knock at my door.

"Leave me alone, Seth," I growled, rolling over on the bed so my back faced the door. I heard the door click open, heavy steps moving towards me.

"It's not Seth," a voice said. I immediately cursed my brother as Jacob strode into my room.

I sat up and fought the urge to strangle him as he flopped his bulky frame across my twin bed.

"One little goddamn thing happens and Seth goes and runs to you…" I fumed. I ran my fingers through my hair, making a mental note to kick Seth's ass later as Jacob just rolled his eyes.

"Well, you know Lee…if you weren't such a bitch all the time, Seth wouldn't have to call me for damage control," he countered. His eyebrows lowered darkly and his dark eyes examined my face as I snorted in response.

"You know what I think, Black? I think you should mind your own fucking business," I growled, pushing myself up from the bed.

I stood before him, my hand on my hips, a fierce "fuck you" in my eyes, but he just smirked back, knowing how much it bothered me when he didn't react.

We stayed like that for a moment, in an intense stare down, neither of us relenting before he got up and started rifling through my closet.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" watching him as he pulled a black dress from the closet and threw it at me.

"You forgot what today was didn't you?" he asked, looking at me with annoyance. I shook my head and racked my brains. Was I supposed to remember something?

"Put this on and meet me downstairs in ten minutes," he ordered before leaving the room leaving me stunned and confuse. Jake had asked some pretty weird things of me before, but nothing quite so odd as this.

But they were alpha's orders, I shrugged as I pulled off my jeans. And unfortunately I knew I would be worse off if I didn't follow them, just another perk to being a werewolf.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, and please keep them coming! I'm so glad you guys are liking the story so far. Just a little disclaimer that this chapter gets a little weird but bear with me because the action is about to start, and let's just say things are about to get really, uh...steamy :)**

Chapter Four

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," I snarled as we approached the Cullens, my eyes shifting to Jake who didn't offer an explanation, and obviously had no interest in doing so.

I turned around to look at Seth in the backseat, but he just shrugged, giving me his best puppy dog eyes.

"They're not as bad as you make them out to be, Leah. Nessie really wanted for you to come celebrate her birthday with us. She doesn't really understand why you don't like her," Seth spoke from the backseat.

I heard a growl escape from my lips and Jacob shot me a warning look as he cut the ignition.

"I don't like her because she's a fucking demon baby that should've been offed a long time ago," I grumbled as I jiggled the handle on Jacob's Rabbit to let myself out.

I stumbled after Jake and Seth to the front door, tugging at the bottom of my dress as I went. It was the only dress I owned, a little black number that clung to my body in all the right places. It was immensely uncomfortable and the only reason I bought it in the first place was for Sam's wedding, the one I never ended up going to, and of course Jake had decided to torture me and make me wear it. Torture was his thing lately.

When we finally reached the door, the jumpy psychic beat us to ringing the doorbell as she swung the door open, a smile plastered on her face.

"Great, I was so glad when I saw you guys were coming," she grinned. I winced as she pulled Seth into an embrace, wondering how he could stand the stench.

Then, the she turned to me, the smile on her face waning slightly. I could tell she didn't like me, none of them really did. To them I was just the bitchy werewolf girl that hung around Jacob all the time.

"Thanks for coming, Leah, Nessie will appreciate it," she nodded before turning into the house.

I was just about to follow her, but before I could Jacob grabbed me by the arm forcefully and pulled me towards him, his brows furrowed.

"Don't do anything you'll regret," he warned.

"Oh, I'm quaking in my heels," I retorted, snatching my arm from his clutch as I staggered into the house after him.

I had originally put on a pair of flip flops with my dress but Jake had made me borrow some of my mother's heels insisting that I would need to be more dressed up for where we were going. If I had known we were going to the leeches' den I wouldn't have bothered at all.

As I entered the bloodsuckers' living room I could feel their eyes following me.

"Nice to see you again, Leah," the leech mother smiled and Rosalie nodded in approval at my arrival.

She was the only one I could even remotely stand, but that was only through mutual hatred of the newest bloodsucker, the one whose cold golden eyes followed my every move.

"Looking good, she wolf," Emmett grinned.

He reached out and pulled me into his arms, twirling me around a little before he set me down. I tugged my dress back down when he finally set my feet down on the floor. He wasn't that bad either, I might have even liked him if he had the slightest regard for personal space.

I heard a chuckle escape from someone behind me and turned to see Edward entering the room holding the red headed baby leech by the hand. In that moment, I wasn't sure what infuriated me more: the fact that he was reading my mind or the disgustingly innocent smile plastered on Nessie's face as she entered the room.

"Ah, there's the birthday girl!" Carlisle smiled.

"Jakey! Uncle Seth! Auntie Leah!" she smiled, running across the room to Jake who pulled her into his arms, an ear to ear grin plastered across his face.

"I'm not your aunt," I growled through clenched teeth as I watched the two of them, sickened by the thought of a grown man being so infatuated with a four year old leech hybrid.

Sure, she looked like she was ten and acted like she was thirty, but the power she had over Jake was what really astounded me. How could the hard assed alpha I knew crumble at the sight of a tiny redheaded bloodsucker?

The rest of the party wasn't too astonishingly painful. I made sure to stay out of the way as the leeches sang happy birthday, exchanging glances with Rosalie when the girls doting parents gave tearful speeches about how she was such a miracle and rolling my eyes when her father would shoot me warning looks, telling me my thoughts were out of line.

I thought that I would get through the night alive until the baby parasite child approached me, eyes wide, a smile playing on her lips.

"Auntie Leah, can I show you something?" she asked, extending her hand out to me. I could feel my eyes grow wide. There was no way in hell I was going to let the little leech touch me and show me those creepy psychic visions of hers.

"Uh…no thanks," I bit back, my tone a little sharper than I intended. Her mother hissed and her father's brow furrowed, his eyes cautionary.

"Leah…" Jacob spoke quietly, his voice tense.

I could feel the whole room's eyes on me. Some were harsh, others were expectant, and I knew that I wasn't going to get out of this mess, so I sighed and leaned forward, allowing Nessie to place her hand on my face.

Her hand was cold and it took a while for an image to appear before my eyes, but when it did my breath caught in my chest and I couldn't exhale or inhale. All I could focus on was what I saw.

I saw a woman who was the spitting image of my mother, only a few years younger walking down a beach. Her long black hair extended down past her waist and it wasn't until she turned that I could see she had my eyes. She was pregnant, and her left hand was without a ring, resting on her swollen stomach. Her face was tense and worn.

The woman was walking slowly, her eyes darkly focused on the ground before her. The corners of her lips moved slightly as she watched a bird fly clumsily down the beach before liquid tears began to slide down her cheeks.

My breath hitched as the vision came to an end. The woman was me.

My heart caught in my chest and I pulled away from Nessie, shaking my head feverishly.

"Why did you show me that?" I demanded. The contented look on her face turned to worry as my voice rang through the silent room.

"I – I thought it would make you happy," the girl stammered, her eyes filling with tears.

I could feel myself shaking, the tremors beginning to pulse through my body. Seth reached out to calm me but I shook him off quickly. My blood was boiling and I inhaled sharply and clenched my hands into fists. I couldn't control it. I knew it was coming.

"Well you don't know shit," I spat before bolting from the house.

The tremors surged through me as I entered the forest and I felt tears running down my cheek. The image Nessie had shown me replayed through my mind as my paws pounded against the cold, hard ground.

It was something that was so impossible that I never dared to think about and there she was, flaunting it in front of my face: the very thing I never knew I really wanted but always knew I would never have.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks again for the reviews! I know that you're all hating Jacob right now, but hold on because he's about to get a little less jerkish. And here comes the Blackwater :)

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**Chapter Five

_What the fuck was that, Leah? _

_Get out of my head, Jake. I'm warning you. _

_I'm getting sick of this drama, Leah. _

_Well I don't give a damn about how you feel._

_Damnit, will you stop being so stubborn and get your ass back here?_

_Fuck off. _

_Fine, I'm coming to find you._

And he did find me. I was stark naked and halfway out of my mind. I had to stop running eventually, I wasn't strong enough to keep going, and so I stopped.

I lost track of where I was a long time ago. All I knew was that I was sitting against a tree, my legs drawn up to my chest, and Jacob Black had found me.

"Get up," Jacob ordered as he threw an oversized t-shirt at my head.

I took the shirt and pulled it on before leaning back against the tree, closing my eyes. I didn't want him to see me like this, but I couldn't move, I couldn't breath. My chest rose and fell but I didn't feel alive. Everything hurt too much.

"What the hell happened, Leah?" Jacob asked, moving towards me, his bare chest glistening with rain.

I wanted to tell him what I saw, I wanted everything to spill from my lips, to have him share the burden somehow, but I couldn't. I knew he couldn't understand. He was just like everyone else. He couldn't see what I felt or why I felt that way. All he saw was cold-hearted bitch. I just shook my head and looked up to the sky as fat droplets of rain fell, penetrating my skin.

"Well aren't you going to say something?" he growled, hunching over a little to grab me by the arms, pulling me up to my feet with one quick movement.

"Look at me, Leah," he demanded, his voice snapping into alpha mode.

He forcefully grasped my chin between his thumb and his forefinger and turned my head so I had to look into his coal colored eyes.

"Say something, damn it," he growled, pushing me against the tree behind me so forcefully that I doubled over, my back searing with pain.

"I can't," I whimpered, the words floating from my lips before I could stop them.

I knew that I shouldn't make him angrier than he already was, that his strong suit wasn't holding his temper. Normally I would have fought him back and fought him hard, but I felt so vulnerable, so weak and I wanted him to leave me alone before he could take advantage of that.

Jacob bit his lip angrily as if he were trying to get a hold of his temper but I could see him shaking, his fists clenched into balls on either side of his body.

"I'm sick of fighting with you, Leah…I'm so sick of your bullshit," he growled, his open hand colliding with the tree behind me, narrowly missing my head. I could feel the tree quaking and yet I leaned back, moving my hands behind me to latch on to the tree.

If he was going to take the tree down, I was going with it. It was me he was mad at, and I wanted him to make me feel his anger. I needed to feel my pain released.

"God I could just…I could just kill you Leah," he hissed, his arms shaking with tension. He inhaled sharply, shaking his head.

He took a few steps backwards, his eyes angrily locked on mine.

"Then do it, Jake…" I challenged as I closed my eyes to processed the words coming out of my mouth. The voice I heard sounded unlike my own. It was weak, wavering, pleading.

Jacob's brow furrowed and he moved towards me, his chest rising as he drew in a sharp breath.

"No one would care…" I smiled weakly. I closed my eyes for a moment and listened to the silence around me. The air was thick and tense and I could hear nothing save fore Jake's ragged, angry breaths.

He reached out and placed his hands on either side of my head and pinned me against the tree with his body, his warm skin pressing against mine with only the thin cotton of my t-shirt acting as a barrier. His face was inches away from mine, his eyes blazing.

I could feel his breath grazing across my lips, causing a chill to run up my spine. My heart rate slowly increased as his chest rose and fell against mine. He looked down at the ground between us briefly, his body shifting away from mine for a brief moment.

When he finally lifted his head back, his eyes examining mine, I could see something different in them. For the briefest moment, they were no longer black and cold. It was as if they were thawing, the ice melting away to reveal two wet brown orbs.

"I would care, damn it," he sighed. His voice was so soft it was nearly inaudible. He ran his fingers over his cropped hair, something he did when he was nervous, but I just stared at him, taking in his subtle beauty, the beauty I had never noticed until that moment.

And so we stood for a while, with nothing but the soft song of the birds to fill the quiet.

Then suddenly a cold heat began to rise in my chest, a heat I couldn't remember feeling before. It was a sort of excitement, a sort of lust, and I let it guide me. I reached my hand and let it wander across his chest, resting at his heart. I could feel it beating feverishly beneath his skin.

I let my hand rest there, our eyes locked together. His face hardened with confusion as I moved my hand from his chest to his face, brushing my fingertips lightly across his lips. Then his lips spread into a devious smile beneath my touch and he pulled my hand away from his face, leaning forward until his lips met mine.

His lips were soft and warm, kneading against mine as I kissed him back and it seemed as if for a moment, everything was gone. I had found my release.

As we kissed, I kept waiting for him to pull away, to realize his error, but he never did. I pressed my pelvis against his, noticing a warm sensation rising between my legs. He growled from deep within his throat and pulled away briefly before leaning in to run his tongue from my collarbone to the bottom of my jaw.

I felt the corners of my lips twitch as he sucked and nibbled my neck, my hips rocking beneath me. I felt a soft moan escape my lips causing Jake to lift his head. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip, creases appearing in his forehead as he pulled his torso away from mine..

And as he pushed himself away I looked into his eyes to see his previously softened eyes filled with cold lust, my heart sinking to my stomach.

We had made a mistake.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks again for the reviews guys, I really appreciate them**. **Okay, so as promised here comes the Blackwater smut, hope you guys enjoy it ;)

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Chapter Six

I lay awake in bed, listening to myself breathe. I had accepted the the sleepless nights I suffered now, knowing that anything was better than the nightmares I had when I attempted to sleep.

And so I laid in silence with nothing but the light of the moon to disturb my loneliness, waiting.

It wasn't long before I heard my window opening slowly as expected. You could say what you wanted about him, but he was consistent.

I listened to his careful footsteps across my bedroom floor and opened my eyes.

My stomach turned as Jacob slowly eased himself into the bed beside me and leaned in to place a kiss on my lips. The kiss was cautionary at first, the rest of his body not touching mine. He pulled back and his brow furrowed slightly, as he tried to read my eyes.

I didn't know why we were doing this, or how we let it get this far. It started with that one kiss…that one stupid kiss, and then we just couldn't stop.

The kiss turned into kisses, which then turned into groping, which then turned into silent fucking in the night. No one else knew that he crawled into my bedroom each night, asking for sex. And no one knew that I always gave him what he wanted, cursing myself when it was done.

We were just two broken people looking to make ourselves whole.

He leaned in again and lightly kissed my jawbone and neck, sucking and nipping gently as I moaned. His kisses morphed into caresses on my skin as he reached my collarbone and my chest, his fingers tracing the outlines of my nipples through my shirt.

"I…need…you…" He mumbled between kisses.

"Jake…" I panted.

Regardless of how wrong it felt there was a heat between us that couldn't be denied. I placed my fingers against his lips and brushed them. I couldn't wait until they were back on my skin. He kissed the tips of my fingers, sucking gently on them before he lifted the rest of my hand to his lips. He pulled my hand away from his lips and intertwined his fingers within mine, locking eyes with me.

He found his way to the bottom of my shirt, eyes never leaving mine, and gently tugged until it lifted smoothly over my head. He leaned in to plant his lips on my breasts, teasing and suckling my flesh as he went. I reached the bottom of his shirt and gave it a tug, exposing his tanned rippled chest. It was easy to undo the tie on his sweatpants and slip them over his thighs as we leaned back into a reclining position on the bed, my weight against his.

He clumsily moved my arms around his neck and rolled himself on top of me and leaned in to suck my neck, gently biting it in between flicks of his velvet tongue. I could feel my hips buck slightly beneath me, rubbing against his erection, wanting to feel him inside of me.

My lust got the best of me as I reached my hand between us and stroked his hardness through the fabric of his boxers. He lifted his head, eyes meeting mine and sending an electric shock through my body as he moaned from the back of his throat in pleasure.

Jacob panted slightly has he reached between us, placing his hand over mine, kneading it gently on his erection before lifting it above my head along with my other hand and pinning it down. He placed his lips back on mine and I could feel his tongue dancing with mine, caressing it in time with his hips that were slowly grinding into mine.

He unpinned one of my hands and placed it between us again, slowly massaging clit with his thumb before reaching the hem of my underwear and flicking it down over my thighs. My free hand worked his boxers over his erection and down past his ankles at the same time. Once he was done freeing me from my underwear, Jacob pinned my hand back above my head where it had been, looking into my eyes with animal lust as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"Love me," I purred, my voice was husky and I was panting as his hardness rubbed me. I had meant to tell him to fuck me, but the words just slipped out. Was that what I really wanted? Did I want him to love me?

"Fuck, Leah," he murmured against my ear. I could feel my body arch as he whispered my name. I could hardly bear the waiting anymore as I opened my legs wider, inviting him. He slid himself gently into me and began pumping fiercely. Our bodies, wet with sweat glided against each other as he kept my arms pinned above me, but I didn't struggle. The bedroom was the only place that he didn't have to beat me into submission.

He moved in and out of me, gently caressing my insides as I stroked my hands up and down his back, arching my neck for him to kiss. His tongue traced circles on my neck and my legs wrapped tighter around his waist. He placed his lips to my shoulder and caressed it with his teeth before gently sinking them into my flesh, causing me to suddenly buck myself against him with pleasure. I felt myself peaking and looked into his dark eyes as he moved inside of me, his hips pumping rhythmically.

His mouth enveloped mine as we rocked harder against one another, both of us close to climax. Finally, I squeezed him inside of me gently and then harder and I could feel him begin to come as he moaned into my mouth. His warmth filled my insides as my body became taut and I shook with pleasure.

He buried his head in my cleavage as his body collapsed on mine.

He groaned softly before releasing my wrists and gave one more slide of his hips before drawing out of me and rolling over on the bed beside me, closing his eyes.

Every inch of me was burning with heat. I knew it wasn't love, but I had never felt anything like what Jacob did to me, with anyone. Nothing could compare…not even Sam. I leaned myself on my elbow as I looked at him. His eyes were open now, his hand behind his head, and he was staring at the ceiling. And his dark eyes were void of emotion again.

I sighed and leaned down onto the mattress. I pressed my body into the side of his and closed my eyes, trying to sleep with a broken heart one more night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews, everyone. They're seriously greatly appreciated. So I decided the story needed just a little more Seth so here's a break from the Blackwater, but I promise there's more coming up soon. **

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Chapter Seven

My paws hit the ground hard as I ran. I could feel the icy rain whipping through my fur as I quickened my pace, daring Seth to try and catch up with me.

_Slow down, Leah. What's the point of patrolling together if I can't keep up with you?_

I mentally rolled my eyes and continued running, debating whether or not to speed up even more. I hated patrolling with Seth. I don't know how Jake managed to do it, but I found it harder to control my thoughts around Seth every time we patrolled together.

It was like some sick disease consumed me. My indulgence was becoming more than a just a distraction. Everything, everywhere reminded me of Jacob. With every movement I felt his hands on my skin. With every breath I felt his lips on mine. With every glance I felt his eyes locked with mine. What we had was an animal attraction and being in wolf form made the lustful feelings difficult to suppress. He was in the moon, the trees, the wind.

And so I was reduced to racing through the forest as quickly as possible, trying desperately to keep my mind clear, hoping that I wouldn't make a mistake and think about him.

_That's so creepy, Leah. _

_What are you whining about now, Seth?_

_You're not thinking anything, and it's freaking me out. I need to hear you think. It makes me feel less alone. _

I smiled to myself as Seth relayed his thoughts to me, remembering his irrational fear of the dark he carried on even after he became a wolf.

_Well, I could sing you a song if you'd like. How bout a little Madonna…or some show tunes, perhaps?_

_God no! You're almost as bad as Jacob. If I have to listen to him think about replacing carburetors and shit anymore I swear I'm gonna lose it. _

I could hear myself cough a laugh as Seth whined, knowing that I had figured out Jake's method for keeping Seth out of his thoughts.

I slowed my pace as Seth and I continued to run the borders of the forest, knowing that we didn't have much farther to go.

_Hey, Lee…can I ask you a question?_

My heart's pace quickened and I could feel it again, the paranoia, as I heard Seth's voice. It was quiet, timid even, and I couldn't help but wonder if he were about to ask it, the question that would turn everything upside down. It was a question that would make the dream I had been living in a reality, and I wasn't ready for that.

_Are you okay?_

I let out a deep breath when I heard the question. Easy enough. As long as he think about Jacob and me in the same sentence, I figured I was in the clear.

_I mean, you've been acting kind of weird lately, and you haven't thought about Sam in a while._

The next part sent me into a quiet frenzy. Sam. _Sam. _What Seth had said was true. I hadn't thought of Sam in a while. It was as if all the parts of my brain occupied on Sam had been scooped out and what could have been and replaced with Jacob, something newer but equally painful, but like a fresh wound.

_And because I don't spend my time thinking about that sorry assed son of a bitch something's wrong with me? What kind of fucked up logic is that, Seth?_

The thought came out bitter, like absinthe. What Sam and I had was something that I savored while it lasted but wished I'd never partaken in once the aftertaste set in. The damage it had done to me was just too much sometimes.

_Okay, okay, sorry I asked…I just wanted to make sure you were okay. _

_I'm fine, Seth. _

I rolled my eyes as we approached the border of the reservation. Sometimes I wished Seth would stop caring so much. Things would be so much easier for him if he didn't try to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, not to mention he wouldn't bug the shit out of me as much.

_Uh, Lee…sorry, but I have something else to ask you. _

_What now, Seth?_

_What do you think about Charlie?_

_Chief Swan? Why? _

_Well…he uh, asked me a question the other day. I – I told him he should ask you but he said I was the man of the house and I think he's going to…_

I could feel my stomach churning as Seth's thoughts became scrambled, already suspecting what he was going to say.

_Just spit it out, Seth. _

_He wants to marry mom. _

Shit.

I knew that it was coming, but I hadn't thought that they would have the guts to get engaged so quickly. I knew my mom was a grown woman and she could do whatever the hell she wanted, but it seemed too soon, like my dad had died only yesterday. Everything had been so close to wonderful a lifetime ago. I loved my family and I loved Sam, then suddenly wonderful became impossible. But maybe my mom was right to try and forget. Maybe it was time to move on, time to start again.

My mom had Charlie. Sam had Emily. Seth and Jacob had the Cullens. It was like everyone had found where they belonged and I was left behind, alone.

_Leah…Leah? Where are you? Are you okay? I-I'm sorry but I thought you should know. _

I ran farther and faster, trying to finish patrolling as soon as possible. I needed to get some sleep, I needed to get a hold of my emotions, but most of all I needed Jacob.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all the reviews, they've been getting me through exams! I hope you're enjoying the story so far. There's much, much more to come and it's about to get waaaay more dramatic! Happy reading, and remember, reviews = love :)

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**Chapter Eight**

"Damn, Clearwater, lookin' good. Nice change from all those t-shirts," Paul whistled as he plopped down beside me on the couch. He snaked his arm around my shoulders and leaned forward to look down my shirt.

"Hands to yourself, Paul," I grumbled, jerking his arm away from me. I took another sip of my coke. I heard myself groan aloud as I saw Embry sauntering across the room towards us.

This was entirely my mother's fault. She just had to get engaged to Charlie and she just insisted on having this stupid engagement party. But worst of all, she had forced me to dress up, which to her meant wearing an ugly little cocktail dress and a face full of hooker makeup. Seth told me to comply, to just give her what she wanted for one night, but if being mauled by horny werewolf men was the price then I could give a shit about her happiness.

"Wow, Leah…that dress is, uh, hot," Embry grinned as he clumsily sat down on my other side.

I rolled my eyes and drained my cup, desperately wishing my mother kept at least one drop of alcohol in the house somewhere.

I scanned the room as Paul and Embry chattered across me, both trying to get peeks down my dress. Jacob was leaned against a wall across from me, his eyes locked on me. His arms were crossed and his eyes were dark. He was brooding.

"Stop it, Em," I hissed through clenched teeth as Embry's hand found its way to my leg. He grinned unabashedly and proceeded to wrap his arm around my shoulders.

My stomach clenched as I looked across the room to Jake, my eyes meeting his. I gave him a warning look, telling him not to do anything stupid. I was a big girl. I could handle myself, right?

Then suddenly, as I felt Embry's hand drift to my upper thigh, I felt like I couldn't handle myself anymore. My eyes widened and I looked up to Jacob, but he was already ten steps ahead of me. He appeared at my side in an instant, his face contorted with annoyance.

"Come with me," he growled, grabbing me by my arm and ushering me towards the kitchen.

I didn't fight him, turning to glance over my shoulder at a confused Embry.

I knew that the whole situation was stupid, that playing the damsel in distress wasn't my thing, but as Jacob shoved me against the kitchen wall and closed the door behind us I couldn't help but enjoy the rush of pleasure I felt.

I had made him react. I made him care.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he snarled, his eyes ablaze. He charged towards me, stopping only when there was less than a few inches space between us, his face close to mine.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my stomach sinking as he grew angrier.

"What do I mean? What do I mean?! Damn Leah, I swear…you look like a whore, you're acting like an idiot, and you were letting Paul and Embry claw at you. Have you lost your goddamn mind?" he fumed, his hands clenched angrily into fists.

I scoffed and crossed my arms, annoyed. I felt myself growing angry as the words left his mouth. So he didn't care about how I felt. The problem was that someone else was encroaching on his territory.

"And what does it matter to you? You don't own me or anything," I retorted, looking him levelly in the eye. My insides were burning as I found myself desperately wishing he would stop being so cold for once and show me he felt something, anything.

"Damn it, Leah…I'm your alpha…" he sighed lamely.

"So why don't you just pee on me and make sure everyone knows I'm you're property!" I huffed, throwing my hands in the air.

I didn't know why he was trying to act like he gave the slightest damn about me. He had no right to tell me what to do or who to do it with. We weren't anything. He had made that clear.

"Leah…you – you can't just fucking act like this. It's not okay," he sputtered, running his hand nervously over his hair. He looked at me expectantly, as if I was supposed to agree with him or something, but I wasn't giving him the satisfaction. He was just pissing me off more by the instant.

"So? I don't give a shit what you think is okay," I shrugged, turning away to leave.

I couldn't handle this anymore. It wasn't like I actually wanted anyone else. That was the last thing I wanted, but it was the principle of the matter. He always asked so much of me, but he refused to give me anything in return.

"Well, what do you want me to fucking say?" he spoke suddenly from behind me, causing me to turn around. He looked exhausted, like he was as tired of this struggle as I was.

"Do you want me to say that I don't want anyone else to touch you, or even look at you? Do you want me to say that I want to fucking rip off their heads…Paul's, Embry's…Sam's because they don't treat you like you should be treated? Do you want me to say that I've been trying so damn hard not to care that it's killing me?" he spoke softly, his eyes never leaving mine as he spoke.

My heart was beating out of my chest as he spoke, his voice methodic like he had said these words a million times already. I told myself that I didn't want to hear him talk like this, that I didn't need him to feel, but this was everything I wanted to hear. This was everything I wished he had always said, but I couldn't help but question if it was what he really wanted to say. Did he really feel all this, or was it just the jealousy speaking?

"All I want is for you to stop bullshitting yourself and act like you give a damn about me," I hissed through clenched teeth, my heart thumping.

He moved towards me, placing his hand on my arm, his calloused fingers squeezing lightly.

"That should be the least of your worries, Lee," he smiled slightly, a hint of worry in his eyes. He leaned in to place his lips against mine and placed his hands on my hips. I moaned slightly against his lips and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself deeper into him.

I allowed myself to let my guard down and just feel Jacob with me like we were the only ones in the world at the moment, the only ones that mattered at all.

"What the fuck is this?"

I pulled away from Jacob and turned to see Sam's blank face staring angrily at me. His eyes locked on mine as I opened my mouth with shock. My head began to swim with thoughts as he shook his head, a look of betrayal in his eyes.

"I saw what happened with Embry, and I just came to see if you were okay," he spoke in monotone. His eyes glazed over with anger before he turned to leave.

"Fuck," Jacob spat. His fist collided with the counter, causing it to crack with an angry splitting sound. He brushed past me and turned to leave without a word.

My head was throbbing as I stared at the damage he had done to the counter, my breath shortening each time I inhaled.

I had spent so long wishing I could hurt Sam like he had hurt me. I thought I would laugh to see his heartache. But when I saw that look in his eyes, the pain that he shouldn't feel, it was as if I had betrayed him. It was like I was betraying myself.

This wasn't the way this was supposed to happen. This wasn't the way anything was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to hurt Sam. And I wasn't supposed to fall in love with Jacob Black.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks again everyone for the reviews! They definitely give me incentive to keep churning out chapters. Things are about to get a little more messy, but I promise your questions will be answered soon. Please be patient with me, La Mariposa3795, I promise I'll clear things up sometime soon. And I hope you still love the drama after the next few chapters Luci-Marlena, because things are about to get A LOT more dramatic. Thanks again for the reviews and enjoy!**

Chapter Nine

I frantically tried to compose myself and figure out what the hell I was going to say to Sam, how I could justify this when my mother's scream erupted from the living room and the house began to shake. I forgot about getting myself together and bolted out of the kitchen.

I felt as though I was going to be sick as I saw a horrible scene unfolding before me.

The coffee table was smashed, there was a gaping hole in the living room wall, and Sam Uley had Jake pinned to the ground, bashing his face repeatedly as we all looked on in horror, no one sure of what to do.

"You. Fucking. Bastard. I. Trusted. You," Sam spat in between blows, Jake's face black and blue, blood trickling from his nose.

"Leah, stop them!" my mother cried, her eyes wide with panic.

I reached for Sam, grabbing his arm midair as he had it raised to pound on Jacob some more. But Sam jerked his arm, his elbow meeting my stomach. I felt myself flying against the wall, my head hitting the corner of the piano bench.

I shook my head and sat up, pacing my hand to my throbbing head, just in time to see Jake's eyes meet with mine. There was blood on my fingers as I withdrew my hand and tears in my eyes. Anger flashed through Jacob's eyes and adrenaline surged through his body causing him to suddenly push Sam away.

They circled one another for a while, both of their fists clenched. Sam's eyes were blazing and Jake's were too, each one's stare never leaving the other.

"You can do whatever the fuck you want to me, Sam, but you never lay a finger on Leah, understand?" Jacob hissed, spitting blood as he spoke.

My heart raced as I watched the two of them, tremors pulsing through both of their bodies. I closed my eyes praying that they wouldn't phase knowing that they could kill us all of they did.

"I could say the same to you, fucking coward," Sam barked.

Jake reached out and grabbed Sam by the arm, pushing him through the front door and I jumped up from the floor as we all moved outside to follow them. All I saw was one giant blur of reddish black fur headed towards the woods. I ran as fast as I could, voices shouting behind me as I followed the two wolves into a small clearing in the forest.

By the time I caught up with them, Jake had managed to pin Sam against a tree, his teeth dangerously close to Sam's neck.

Sam howled in pain before kicking his lower legs out into Jacob's stomach, causing him to fly into a nearby tree. The tree then collapsed with the force and Sam ran over to Jake and pinned him down on his back, sinking his teeth into his shoulder.

I watched in horror as I watched the man I that broke me killing the one that was healing me. I was unsure of what to do or what to feel. All I knew was I didn't want either of them to get hurt. I loved them both too much.

"You have to do something, Leah," a panicked voice rose from behind me, I turned to see Emily, her eyes wide with shock and her stomach clutched to her pregnant stomach. She and the others had followed us, no one sure of what to do or how to stop the feral creatures.

My heart raced as my eyes darted from the black wolf to the russet one. I knew that either of them could kill the other if their will was strong enough, and I didn't want to take the chance.

Before I could formulate a solid plan I felt myself moving slowly towards them, my feet not moving fast enough below me.

"What are you doing Leah?!" a voice called out. I think it was Charlie, but I was too focused to look back. I knew what I had to do.

When I reached them, Jake was lying sprawled out on his back, his russet fur stained red from all his wounds as Sam slowly ripped through his flesh.

Sam stopped to look at me, his eyes warning as he moved forward, poising his mouth above Jake's neck, his large incisors flashing as he snarled.

"Don't do it, Sam," I called, unsure if he heard me.

His head snapped up and his black eyes narrowed. Jake whimpered on the ground below him, his eyes desperately looking into mine. He bent his head over again and snapped his jaws as if to tell me that I he was seconds away from the kill.

"Sam, stop it!" I cried, my eyes desperate as they flickered between Jacob and Sam. Sam shook his head and he rocked back and forth between his haunches, causing Jake to start convulsing in pain as he felt Sam's weight repeatedly crash into his broken body.

My body shook as I watched tears form in Jacob's eyes, his pain becoming my own. My mind raced, and the thought of losing Jacob hit me, and so I opened my mouth one more time.

"Wasn't one time enough, Sam?" I asked, causing his head to snap up, the feral smirk plastered across his face was wiped away. He cocked his head and jumped off of Jacob, moving towards me this time.

Jake snapped his head up too, his eyes narrowing as he watched, but I motioned for him to stay where he was. I could handle this, in wolf form or not.

"You killed me when you left me, Sam…you just killed me. You were my everything, Sam, and you left me dead inside. But you made your choice. You moved on he stayed with me. He fights for me and he's all I have now," I spoke, my voice wavering as Sam let out a noise halfway between a bark and a laugh, shaking his furry head.

"Are you going to take him away from me too?" I whimpered, motioning to Jacob.

My eyes were locked on Sam's as his brow furrowed and his head bowed down. He looked up at me once more and shook his head. I could see liquid tears forming in his eyes before he turned and to do what he did best, he left.

My eyes surveyed the scene he had left behind, a shiver running through my body as I looked out into the faces of the crowd that had watched the scene. My mother looked exhausted, Emily looked worried, Seth and Charlie looked confused, and the rest of the pack was amused.

I was snapped back into reality by a blood-curdling scream erupting from behind me. I turned to see Jacob, back in human form squirming on the ground, a pool of blood forming around him.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews everyone! Ok, so...I realize that the next part of my fic doesn't follow the perfect boy falls in love with girl and they end up happily ever after formula. In fact, just when things were getting relatively good I kind of make everything fall apart again. But I just want to ask you guys to trust me and bear with me because I'm following through with the plan I had for this fic in the beginning. The reason I fell in love with Leah when I read the Twilight series was her resilience so I'm simply giving her more reason to be the strong she wolf we all know she is :) It was never my intention to have Jacob save Leah. She is more than capable of saving herself and realistically after all that happened she's the only one who could really fix her situation.**

**That being said, don't worry because I'm not abandoning the Blackwater aspect of this fic. There is much more Jacob coming soon. TRUST ME. **

**Enjoy.  
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Chapter Ten

"You can stop babying me, Leah. I'll be fine in a couple hours," Jacob snapped as I pressed a cold compress to his face. He was lying in my bed, his lacerations transformed into scars and bruises as I tried to play Nurse Leah to an unwilling patient.

"I know…I'm just trying to make you comfortable," I spoke lamely, pulling away from him to look in his eyes.

"Why did you let him do this to you, Jake?" I questioned. He closed his eyes and sighed, shaking his head slightly. I didn't know what was wrong with him, or why he was acting like this. I knew he could have very well taken Sam on but he hadn't fought back like he should have. He wasn't fighting anymore.

His face was a little less black and blue and his black eye was nearly gone, but something else had changed. Something was different about the way he looked at me now. It wasn't what was in his eyes. It was what wasn't there.

I smiled weakly down at him and lightly placed a kiss on his forehead, my heart sinking when he winced at my touch.

We sat in silence for a few moments, me staring at him, him staring at the ceiling before I heard a knock on my door.

"Leah? I – I need to talk to you," I heard my mother speak from behind me. I got up from the bed and followed her into the hallway, closing my bedroom door behind me.

"What is it, mom?" I asked, my brow furrowing as I looked into her eyes. They were swollen and puffy as though she had been crying. She looked so old, haggard even.

"Leah…I, I don't know how to say this, but I, uh…" she sniffled, reaching her hand out to brush my cheek.

"Everything…it's all been so crazy. I can't say I don't understand it, but that doesn't mean I can deal with it. I – I'm not strong enough," she exhaled, a pained expression crossing her face.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked, my eyes frantically searching hers, but all I could see was fear.

"I – Charlie and I have decided to leave, we – we just can't…anymore. Everything's paid for during the rest of the month and I – I can send you money if you need it," she spoke quickly, her hands shaking.

"Mom, you can't – you can't do this to us. I – Seth needs you, we need you," I pleaded, reaching out to take her hands in mine.

But all she did was shake her head, pulling her hands from mine quickly.

"Leah…I love you two, but I just can't do this. This curse killed your father, and I'm not going to sit around and watch you and Seth die too," she sputtered, wiping her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks.

My blood began to boil as she spoke. I never thought she was this weak. Sure, it had been a rough couple of years with my dad dying and her two children becoming werewolves, but I expected her to stick with us when things took turns for the worse.

She owed it to us to stay. She was our mother.

I shook my head, tears forming in my own eyes. The past couple days had worn my resistance down, and the hammer that had been constantly bashing at the walls I built was finally working.

"Fine, leave," I shrugged. Fat tears rolled down my cheeks and my head began to throb in pain.

I turned around and flung my door open, closing it and locking it behind me. I began to hyperventilate, my chest closing up. I collapsed against the door and held my hands in my head, sobbing, forgetting that Jake was there watching me quietly from the bed as I broke down.

"We can't do this anymore, Leah," Jacob's taut voice drifted from above me. I sniffed and looked up to see him standing above me, his jaw clenched with anger.

"What are you saying?" I asked, pulling myself up from the ground, my knees trembling beneath me. This was the last thing I needed at the moment.

"This. Us. Damn it. Can't you see we're hurting everyone? Your family, the packs…Leah, we're killing ourselves for something that isn't supposed to happen," he spoke wearily, avoiding my eyes.

I closed my eyes and inhaled, trying to calm myself down to no avail. His words hit me like daggers, my eyes flooding with angry tears. Before I could stop myself my fist collided with his jaw, a loud crack filling the air.

He placed his hand to his jaw, his eyes finally meeting mine. They were fearsome, a mixture of pain and anger that I had never seen before. I let my anger get the best of me and pushed him against my bedroom wall. He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head, restraining me as I scowled angrily at him, silent sobs erupting from my chest.

"Why is it that you want to be everything to everyone but me?" I sputtered, my voice shaking.

He closed his eyes briefly and inhaled before looking down at me, his eyes moist with tears.

"Because I can never love you enough," he spoke quietly, releasing my arms. I closed my eyes as he moved me gently against the wall, opening them only when I was sure that he was gone.

He was a coward. He was a fucking ass. He was just like Sam, like my mother. I should have known that he wasn't any different. I thought he would stay with me because I had always stayed with him, but he didn't understand. He never could have cared. The quick flashes of emotion running through his eyes, the gentle way he touched me when I was in his arms, and the way his heart beat harder when it was pressed against mine. None of it ever existed. It must've all been in my head.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello, everyone! I want to wish you all a happy, safe holiday season! Sooo...I just wanted to address a couple things about my fic before you read this chapter. **

**1. I know some of you are going to hate this chapter simply because Emily is in it, but please try to get past your hatred of Emily and take it for what it's worth.  
**

**2. I appreciate all your input and suggestions and I have given much thought to your ideas. In regards to the suggestion that Leah leaves La Push and starts a new life, I thought about the idea, but I feel like it wouldn't be realistic for Leah's story. When everything happened with Sam, Leah didn't run. In this fic, Leah stands her ground when things get tough. She may complain about it, but she needs to face her responsibilities to herself, Seth and the pack. Sorry.**

**3. I know that everything that's been happening to Leah is pretty upsetting, and I understand if you're getting frustrated with the story. I have good news and bad news though. Bad news: things may get worse within the next couple chapters. Good news: the bad news won't turn out to be as bad as you think :)**

**So, I'm done being cryptic. Enjoy reading and remember, reviews are always appreciated :)

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**Chapter Eleven**

One, two, three, four, five, six –

"Shit! I'm gonna be late again!" Seth exclaimed from behind me.

His dirty dishes appeared before me and his arms encircled my waist with a quick squeeze. I was actually surprised at how well he was adjusting to our new situation. Not to mention the fact that he ran patrols with Jake every night and still managed not to hate the guy after learning about everything that happened between us.

"Thanks for breakfast, Lee."

I nodded and he slung his backpack across his back, the kitchen door slamming behind him.

I was alone again.

I pulled my hands from the now lukewarm dishwater and examined them. They were dry and calloused, like I felt inside. It had been six weeks since Jacob gave up on me, and I counted every second spent in this purgatory until he realized that he needed me as much as I had grown to need him. I hated to admit it, but I was broken without him.

My head was constantly swimming. My stomach was forever turning. The constant, dull beating of my heart became the track to which I lived my now monotonous life.

I felt as though I were physically ill, hell, sometimes I was. Maybe I was depressed, but all I knew for sure was that I had never felt this way before. No one had ever made me this miserable. This must have been what it was like to be heartsick.

I ran my fingers through my hair absentmindedly, taking note that I was overdue for a haircut as I contemplated how I was going to spend the remainder of the day until Seth got home from school. I spent most of my time wandering around the house, travelling aimlessly from room to room wondering how the warmest place I had ever known could become so cold.

I was pretty much worthless. I couldn't sleep and the taste of food made me sick. I hadn't even bothered trying to patrol again. I just didn't have the energy.

I extended my arms above my head and stretched, turning to head upstairs. If I couldn't sleep I could at least lie in bed until Seth got back from school.

Just when I reached the bottom of the stairs, a knock sounded on the front door. I felt my heart skip a beat and my breath hitch as I turned to answer the door. I couldn't help but hope it was him.

My heart fluttered slightly as my hand grabbed the cool knob, but when I swung the door open it sank back into my stomach.

It was the last person I wanted to see, ever.

Emily Uley.

"Can I come in?" she smiled slightly.

I rolled my eyes as I stepped back slightly, allowing enough space for her and her huge pregnant stomach to enter my home. I shut the door behind her and played with the hem of my sweat shirt, eyeing her up and down.

We hadn't spoken since I skipped out on attending her wedding. We tried to be civil, or at least she did, but no matter how much I wanted to love my cousin Em again nothing could soften the sting of knowing that the two people you loved the most could build a life without you.

"I brought you something," Emily shifted uncomfortably, breaking the tension-filled silence. She pushed a basket filled with muffins towards me. Of course Emily would manage to be super pregnant and the perfect little domestic wife at the same time, I groaned inwardly as I reached to accept the food, the scent of the muffins wafting up to my nose.

Banana nut.

Before I could take the muffins from Emily I felt my stomach begin to turn. Here it comes. I didn't have time to make up an excuse before I was running to the bathroom to get sick. My head was bent over the toilet, and I was heaving as I heard Emily pad to the bathroom door behind me.

"Are you okay Leah?" she asked, her voice was all panicky.

"Just dandy, thank you," I breathed in between heaves.

I continued to gag into the toilet for a couple more minutes as she moved forward and rubbed my back. I had been heaving sporadically for the last couple weeks, but this really was a nasty bout. When the sickness had passed, I finally leaned away from the toilet and flushed it. I had forgotten Emily was there, but I looked up at her and felt myself flush from embarrassment. This was just fucking awesome. Now she could go home and tell Sam all about how she watched me toss my cookies.

"Sorry," I said, trying not to make eye contact with her.

"It's okay," she said as I got up to wash my hands and splash water on my face.

I looked at myself in the mirror and shuddered. What the hell had I turned into? There were deep, dark circles under my eyes. I looked as if I were intense pain. Suddenly, I couldn't stand the sight of myself anymore and looked past my own reflection in the mirror to catch Emily's eyes, searching my face with concern. I pushed past her towards the kitchen, I needed something to get the sick taste out of my mouth and the thought of what I'd become out of my mind.

"Are you sick?" Emily's voice followed me I opened the door to the refrigerator and reached for a bottle of juice.

I looked up at her questioningly, wondering why the hell she was there or why she even cared.

"Something like that," as I poured the juice, feeling Emily's eyes carefully examining my every movement. I took a sip, finally allowing my gaze to meet hers.

No wonder Sam had chosen her over me. She was the exact antithesis of everything I was. She was sweet, feminine, and soft. She was lovable.

"Do you have a fever?" she asked, moving towards me to place her hand to my forehead. I dodged her hand, taking a step back.

"I'm a werewolf, Emily…I always have a fever," I rolled my eyes before turning to rinse my now empty glass out. She was really getting on my nerves. She was lucky that I even let her in my house, and now she was seriously pushing it.

"Are your breasts tender?" she asked from behind me.

I nearly vomited again when she asked the question and shrugged. Why the fuck was she barging in my home asking me questions about my breasts?

"What the hell - ?" I started, but Emily quickly spoke again.

"Well, do you think you could be, uh, never mind…" she started timidly from behind me, but I just shook my head in response, motioning for her to stop speaking.

"Why are you here Emily?" I sighed, looking levelly into her eyes.

"I came because he asked me to. He wants to know how you're doing, Leah, but Seth won't talk or think about you around him," she spoke clearly.

I could feel my heart's pace pick up in my chest as I tried desperately to keep my scowling facial expression from softening at the mention of Jacob. I couldn't show her that I still had feelings for him. He left and that meant I was supposed to hate him. I wanted to hate him.

"He's really worried about you, Leah," Emily spoke, her eyes sad.

"If he didn't want to hurt me he wouldn't have left me," I retorted, but she shook her head.

"It has to be more complicated than we think, Leah. If he didn't care about you he wouldn't have come to me. Sam and I are the last people he would go to for help, you know that," she tried to reason, but I wasn't hearing it.

I shook my head, turning away from her slightly to conceal the tears forming in my eyes.

"Jacob's not the kind of man who puts himself before the ones he loves, Leah. Everything will work out for the best," Emily smiled weakly, her eyes shifting between mine.

I was tired of this argument. I knew what kind of man Jacob was. He was the kind that ran from his emotions because he was scared of feeling something again. He was the kind who let past mistakes ruin their future. He was a coward, and it would take a hell of a lot more than Emily Uley's motivational speech to convince me that anything in my life would end up "working out for the best".

"Look, Emily, all this shit you're spewing is nice and all, but this isn't changing anything. No matter what you say or how much Jacob apparently worries about me doesn't change the fact that I hate you both," I retorted.

Emily's face contorted from worry to embarrassment as I spoke.

I turned on my heel to leave the room. I couldn't look at Emily for a second longer, let alone listen to her try to rationalize Jake's actions. No matter what anyone said, it should never be okay to make anyone feel how I was feeling. It should never be okay to leave someone who has nothing when you're gone.

"Oh, and tell Sam I said he can fuck himself too," I called with mock sweetness as I exited the room, leaving Emily dumbfounded in my kitchen.

Well what did she expect? I was the bitter, cold-hearted bitch after all. Always was, always would be. And heartbreak only made it worse.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thanks everyone for your reviews (I can't believe I have over 100. You guys are awesome!) and Happy New Year! I hope you guys are ready for all the drama that's about to pop up with this next little twist in the story. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you guys like it too, but don't worry, Leah can definitely handle everything I'm throwing at her :) And Jacob will be making an appearance soon...I promise!**

**Enjoy.  
**

**Chapter Twelve**

"I still don't understand why I have to be here, Seth, I mean…what's so important that you couldn't just fill me in later?" I hissed as Seth ushered me into the tribal council meeting.

Almost instantaneously as we entered the room, it fell painfully silent and all eyes turned to us. Billy Black, Old Quil, and Sam sat at a table at the head of the room and Seth and I took our seats among the rest of the group towards the back of the room.

An uneasy feeling crept into my stomach as I looked around the room. Everyone seemed to be there: Paul, Quil, Embry, Jared…even the newbies. Everyone was there except for Jacob.

I met Seth's eyes with a questioning look as Billy droned on about some zoning issue on the rez. Seth just shrugged, his shaggy mop of hair flipping around as he too looked around the room questioningly.

I looked towards the head table just in time for Sam's eyes to lock with mine. My brow furrowed as I silently asked him what all of this was about, but he just narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips in response. He was angry with me. I kept my eyes locked on Sam, observing his movements until Billy spoke again, his words jarring me to where I nearly leapt from my seat.

"Will Leah Clearwater approach the council?"

My eyes widened and I sat stricken in my seat. I shook my head bemusedly and locked eyes with Sam, questioning Billy's words, but he just nodded solemnly in response. He had to be mistaken. What could the council want with me? I turned to look at Seth who nudged me a little so I would move forward.

I nearly fell out of my seat when Seth pushed me, but luckily my legs didn't turn to complete jello and I was able to walk towards the council, setting myself down in the single aluminum chair placed before them. Only bad things happened when the council summoned you.

It seemed like an eternity until Billy spoke again. I could feel the pack's eyes boring into my back. Old Quil was eyeing me up and down with an amused smile plastered across his face and Sam's eyes were locked on my face, his brow furrowed with concern.

"We have a few questions to ask you, Leah, just try to answer them as honestly as you can," Billy spoke quietly, his hardened face twitching with discomfort as he spoke.

I nodded my head and turned back to look at Seth with confusion, but he just shook his head, a slightly alarmed look spread across his face as if he had just realized something important.

"When was the last time you phased?" Old Quil started, his warm eyes glazed over with excitement as he questioned me.

"A couple months ago, maybe? I haven't been running patrols lately," I shrugged. The question was easy enough. If they wanted to play interrogation I could play along. Bring it on.

"Have you attempted to phase at all in the past month?" Sam asked. His face was void of emotion as he spoke, his voice monotone.

"No…there hasn't really been a need to…" I answered slowly.

"Have you noticed anything odd happening with your body, Leah? Like, ahem, your body temperature is abnormal or anything," Billy spoke up. He was wringing his hands as his spoke, his eyes darting anxiously as he spoke.

"Well…I haven't been feeling well, but I think it's some sort of virus or something," I answered.

I was suddenly becoming uneasy about the situation. Something had to be wrong. The last time I saw Billy this anxious was before the last battle with the bloodsuckers. Yes, something was definitely wrong, terribly wrong.

"And who was your last sexual partner?" Old Quil, piped up from beside Billy, a sickening look of concern appearing on the old man's face.

"What?!" I sputtered, my body becoming rigid as I looked from Billy to Sam, neither of them looking the least bit shocked by Old Quil's question.

"Answer the question Leah…" Sam warned tersely. His eyes met mine for a brief second before I looked away, my face warming.

"Jacob," I spoke quietly, looking down at my hands.

"And did you and Jacob use any sort of contraceptives?" Sam asked quickly.

A wave of shame ran through my body as I shook my head as I thought about what happened between Jacob and I. I didn't know what he had to do with anything or why they were questioning me, but at the moment I couldn't keep his words from running through my mind.

_We're killing ourselves for something that isn't meant to happen._

If something was wrong it had to be our fault, Jacob's and mine. That was the only way to explain this. It always came back to him. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as the silence of the room was broken. I could hear the pack sniggering behind me and Sam turned to Billy to whisper something in his ear to which Billy nodded solemnly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my head was spinning with confusion as I watched the concerned faces of the elders.

"We think you might be pregnant, Leah," Billy spoke. HIs voice seemed to echo through the room and cut through the cold whispers behind me.

A wave of confusion swept through my body, then disbelief. Before I could stop myself, I could hear a chuckle escape from my lips. They had to be kidding me. Where the hell did they get this stuff from? This had to be some kind of joke.

"Pregnant?! I'm not pregnant…never have been, never will be…" I grinned, looking from Billy to Old Quil to Sam. None of them seemed nearly as amused as I was.

"This isn't funny, Leah," Sam scolded from before me, his anger visible in his eyes as he spoke.

"But…it's not true. I – I can't get pregnant. You guys know that. When I transformed I – I stopped my…I just…can't…," I struggled as I looked between the three men. Sam's face was a mixture of anguish and hurt, Old Quil's hardened, and Billy's saddened. There was a glaze over Billy's eyes, his liquid tears becoming the source of the distress building in my chest.

"H-how?" I managed to sputter out.

"Since you are the first of your kind we weren't completely sure that you were unable to become with child. We knew it would be impossible with a human because of your body's ceasing to function as a human woman's would, but we weren't sure about what would happen if you mated with another wolf," Old Quil explained, his warm eyes filled with empathy.

"But then we found out about your relationship with Jacob and I did some research that confirmed our suspicion. It is possible for two shape shifters to procreate in human form," Billy nodded from beside him.

"We _thought_ that we didn't have to worry about this because most of us have imprints and we had a pact within my pack to never become involved with you," Sam spoke up.

"So you made your pack swear they would never sleep with me?" I spoke slowly in skepticism. The thought shocked me and for a moment I couldn't help but wonder if Sam's pact was really for his benefit rather than mine.

"I warned Jacob too," Sam growled, his face contorting with disgust as he mention Jake.

"We weren't sure about the repercussions of two wolves procreating, you see," Old Quil spoke. I caught him place his hand on Sam's shoulder as Sam began to tremble, attempting to calm him.

"So…you're saying my baby…if I were pregnant, that is…could be a wolf?" I stammered, my heart's pace quickening as I spoke.

"Your baby can't be fully wolf. It's likely to be one of us or completely human. Shape shifters are unable to phase during pregnancy," Old Quil spoke quickly, the corners of his lips twitching with a sympathetic smile.

I turned to look to a somber Billy, my eyes meeting his. I couldn't describe the emotion I saw in his eyes. It was a mixture of happiness and the deepest remorse. I knew his thoughts and mine were one. We were damning the fate that brought us to this moment, damning this vicious cycle of pain.

A strange feeling washed over my body as I contemplated the truthfulness of this accusation. A weight seemed to shift onto me as the gravity of my situation finally hit me. Everything seemed to disappear as I sank into my chair, pressing a hand instinctively against my stomach, and tried to feel the presence that supposedly inhabited it.

My breath became short. I was suffocating. So I willed my legs to pull me up from the chair beneath me.

And I ran.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks again for the reviews everyone and Happy New Year! Soooo Jacob is back in this chapter, and I'm not too confident with his re-entrance. I wasn't sure how to bring Jacob back or what his reaction should be at first, so this chapter was EXTREMELY hard to write, not to mention heavy (I started crying while I was writing it, haha). Anyways, I hope you guys like it, and I'm thinking the next chapter is going to be a little lighter. I think this story deserves something fluffy to balance out all the heartache and pain, but let me know what you think. **

**Enjoy.  
**

**Chapter Thirteen**

I didn't know how long I was gone, and frankly I didn't know where all I had gone. I closed my front door behind me and leaned against it briefly, closing my eyes.

I inhaled deeply, taking in the moment. The house was oddly silent and dark. Seth obviously wasn't home, but I could feel a presence. There was someone inside. My mind raced as I opened my eyes to face the intruder, but the vision I beheld was one that I wasn't expecting to see.

His face was dark, his stance tense as he took me in. My heart swelled as his eyes met mine. I wanted his arms wrapped around my waist. I wanted to feel his lips upon mine once again. I wanted to fall in his arms and stay there forever.

Jacob had come back to me.

As I stepped uneasily towards him, ready and willing to give him myself once more, I could feel the aching in my chest return. Yes, he had come back, but that didn't change the fact that he had left me in the first place. His rejection was a pain that continued to sear through my heart, untamable even by his return.

I felt myself flinch slightly as he stepped towards me. He stretched out his long, steady arms and wrapped them around my midsection, enveloping me in his touch.

He was gentle yet unsettling, soothing but troubled.

"Leah…" he spoke into my neck. His lips pressed gently against my skin and I took him in. He smelled of pine and his touch was warmer than I ever noticed before. I felt myself succumb to his touch and closed my eyes for a moment, wishing things could be this simple. I wished I could just erase all the anger, the guilt, and the regret and fall into his arms again. But it wasn't that simple, things never were.

"Why are you here?" I asked, pulling out of his embrace in to look into his eyes. A concerned look crossed his brow as he searched my eyes, his eyes swimming with concern.

"I – I can't stay away from you, Lee…I need to know that you're okay, that you will be okay," he spoke quietly.

He reached out to cup my face in his hands. I took his wrists in my hands and gently moved his hands back to his sides. The melancholy he had created in me with his departure was too deep to be uprooted with one proclamation of concern. He damaged me, and it would be with me forever.

"What does it matter anymore, Jake?" I asked dejectedly, biting my lip with anticipation as I waited for him to answer.

I was surprised by how composed I was as I spoke. I had pictured this moment a thousand times in my mind, each time more violent, angrier, but equally as painful.

"Leah, if you're having my kid I need to know…I need to be there for it…for you," he smiled weakly. He placed his hand on my arm, squeezing it lightly, but I just shrugged him off.

I felt myself become woozy at his mention of my pregnancy. His knowledge of it only made my fears drift closer within my reach: what if he rejects not only me but our child?

"You left me, Jake," the words drifted from my lips before I could stop them. I wished I could understand, feel. But I needed to remind him of the reason I was so numb. I needed to speak aloud the reason he would even need to worry about me.

"I was trying to protect you, Leah. I wasn't sure what would happen and I wanted to end it before you got hurt. But I'm here now," he sighed, running his fingers over his hair as he looked down at the ground. I could tell he was becoming frustrated, anxious.

But nothing could compare to the frustration I've felt, the anxiety I knew. I had tried to escape this fate, this life that I was destined for, but the farther I ran the more it drew me in. And now I was trapped.

"Well, it's too late for that, now isn't it?" I snapped, feeling the blood rush to my face. An old, familiar sizzle ran through my hands and up to my chest. I could feel it creeping through me like an old friend, the sensation I had been too apathetic to conjure up before. My anger was back.

"Damn it, Leah…can we shove all this emotional bullshit aside for one god damn second," He huffed, my anger becoming his.

The air was tense between us as we stared one another down, feeding off of each other's electricity.

"I don't have any fucking emotions, Jake. I never have. I'm just a shallow, empty, unlovable bitch!" I exclaimed. I gauged his facial expression as I ranted, hoping it would soften in the least bit as I poured my heart out to him.

"Don't be stupid, Lee," he muttered as he moved towards me. He held me firmly by the arms causing me to meet his eyes, his expression blazing.

"I can't have this baby, Jake…I don't have any love left to give it," I sighed, my eyes searing as moist tears slid down my cheeks.

He shook his head and pulled me back into his arms and held me close to his chest, his heart beating steadily as I relaxed in his arms. I didn't have the strength to push him away this time. I put up a good fight, but it didn't change the fact that this was what I needed. Nothing could change the fact that I belonged in his arms, that I was made for them.

"I'm sorry Leah…I'm so goddamn sorry," he sighed as he kissed the top of my head, the strength of his embrace was unrelenting but the strength in his words dwindled.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone! Thanks again for the reviews, and sorry for the wait. Things are a little hectic around here, so I might not be able to churn out chapters quite as quickly as before :( As promised, here's a little fluff to balance out the chaos in the past couple chapters. I hope you guys enjoy it while it lasts because the drama will be back soon. For those of you that are wondering, Jacob is being sincere in this chapter. This isn't all just part of his evil plan to knock Leah up and drive her crazy, as much as this story paints him in a kindof terrible light, he's not the devil. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter Fourteen**

The slow, lulling sprinkle of rain pattered arrythmically outside my window as I slowly opened my eyes to see the bleak morning light streaming in from behind the curtain above my bed. The air around me was chilly, and memories of the night before slowly seeped back into my memory.

There were tears, there was anger, and there was pain, but through it all he had just held me and repeated those worthless apologies. We showed each other our weaknesses and finally, what I had longed for before became a reality: he had stayed until the morning.

I felt Jacob's arm tighten around me as I shivered amidst a wisp of cold air. His lips rested inches from the back of my neck and his chest heaved rhythmically against my back. I felt so comfortable within his arms. I closed my eyes again and allowed myself to enjoy this moment, even just for a little longer.

I couldn't help but wonder if this were the way things could have been. If the bloodsuckers never existed and we were free to live our lives how we wished as opposed to how the curse dictated, would Jacob and I have been together? Would I have started every day in his arms like this, or would he have fought it like he did now? Even when the weight of the world wasn't on his shoulders, would he let himself feel?

I shook away the thoughts of what ifs as I felt Jacob stir beside me. It was what ifs that got us into this mess in the first place wasn't it?

Any warmth or closeness I felt when his body was pressed against mine was immediately lost as he rolled away from me. I turned over to look at him, his dark eyes and taut jaw line greeting me. His expression was more difficult to read with fatigue mixed in with its usual intensity.

"Morning," he smiled lazily at me.

I resisted the urge to smile back and merely yawned in response as I sunk further down into the mattress, my range of motion extremely limited by the tiny bed. A deep chuckle escaped Jacob's lips from beside me and I looked over at him and shot him a dirty look.

"What's so funny?" I asked, propping myself up on one elbow to get a good look at him, wishing he would smile more often.

"You have a wicked case of bed head, Lee," he smiled, reaching out to ruffle my hair further. I rolled my eyes and reached out to smack his hand away, but he was too fast for me. He enveloped my hand in his and laced our fingers together before pressing his torso against mine, our foreheads touching.

The corners of my lips twitched as he leaned in and place his lips against mine. I pulled away from him slightly to look into his eyes, feeling the warmth of his skin transferring against mine.

"What are we doing?" I spoke quietly, immediately regretting my question as his expression turned hard again, his eyebrows furrowing as he took his hand from mine and pulled away.

"What do you mean?" he asked, sitting up beside me so that he was looking down.

"This is complicated, Jake…I mean, are you sure about this, about me?" I asked cautiously, looking up at him as he listened to me speak, his expression never slackening.

"Of course I'm sure, Lee…you're having my child," he answered easily, his eyes examining mine.

"But you left me before, and I'm not going to let you fuck with my heart again, Jake…I'm not gonna let you fuck our kid up like that…" I spoke tensely, my voice wavering slightly.

Truth be told, it would take more than empty promises for me to completely regain my trust in him, but I couldn't help but need the verbal assurance too. I needed him to say he wouldn't leave me again, even if it were a lie.

His eyes shifted between mine for a moment, a flash of fear running briefly across his dark face before he opened his mouth to speak again.

"I need to tell you something, Leah…as long as you promise listen to everything," he began cautiously, looking at me expectantly.

My stomach sank as nodded and sat up to look into his eyes. I was hoping, praying, wishing that he wouldn't do or say something stupid…something to ruin this, whatever we were having at the moment.

"I know I was cold before…but I was trying not to get attached. It's not that I didn't care about you, Leah…I just didn't know how much longer I would be here, and Sam warned me about you getting pregnant and all so I tried to leave – " he spoke quickly.

I wasn't sure if I comprehended his words as they spilled out because I was too fixated on the first part of his explanation. I reached my hand out and grabbed his forearm, telling him to stop. My brow furrowed and I ran my fingers through my hair as I took in his words.

"What do you mean you didn't know how much longer you would be here?" I asked levelly, my eyes questioning his. He sighed and ran his hand over his hair nervously.

"The Cullens are moving Lee…people are starting to notice that they don't look their age and that Nessie grows so quickly, so they can't stay in Forks anymore. It's getting too dangerous," he exhaled, a pained look crossing his face as he searched for my reaction.

I could feel a searing feeling moving through my stomach as I cursed the bloodsuckers. Of course there had to be a catch, there always was. Leah Clearwater wasn't meant to get what she wanted.

"So you're going with them, aren't you?" I asked, moving my hand to my stomach protectively as I thought about the baby. I didn't want to let it, but Jacob's presence could make the decision for me. I doubted that I could raise a healthy child on my own.

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head vehemently. "I was going to, but when Billy told me that you were pregnant I decided I need to stay here with you."

His words were like a slap across the face as he spoke. I had expected rejection. I had expected hurt, but this I wasn't expecting. My mind was swimming as I carefully picked which question to ask first, my emotions running rampant.

"But…you have an imprint," I reminded him. I looked at him skeptically, wondering how he was possibly going to get around that road block. Was he really daring to test fate like this?

"I'm going to fight it," he said tersely, his eyes darkening.

"But what makes you think you can, Jake…you're betting a hell of a lot here. I mean no one else has tried before…Sam couldn't even do it," I added, shuddering slightly as the realization came upon me. Sam hadn't tried.

"I'm not Sam, Leah…I can do it. I didn't think I could at first, but now that I know you need me…now that I really know, I think I can be strong enough," he smiled slightly, reaching out to run his hand along my arm.

"You better be fucking sure about that," I warned, a smile creeping onto my face as I thought about this new possibility, that he could really be mine for good.

"Oh I'm fucking sure," he smiled, leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey Everyone! Thanks again for wall the reviews and thanks for bearing with me. I know it's been a while since I've written, but I'm slightly less swamped now, so hopefully I'll be cranking chapters out like I used to! Hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter Fifteen**

"Hey Lee, can I talk to you for a minute?"

I tried my best not to tense up as I heard a barely audible growl escape from Jake's throat. I looked up into the eyes of Sam and felt myself go rigid at the intense stare in his eyes, desperately trying to ignore the familiar feeling that crept into my chest.

"Whatever you have to say to her you can say in front of me," Jacob challenged. He tightened his arm around my swollen midsection, his brows furrowing as he met Sam's gaze.

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed, turning his glance back to me. Everything was the same it's always been, only completely different. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help but feel nostalgic as I looked at Sam.

He had been ignoring me since the pack found out about my pregnancy, and I couldn't help but wonder why he would want to talk to me suddenly, why now?

"It's ok, Jake. I'll be fine," I smiled slightly as I pulled away from Jacob's embrace. I tried my best to ignore his look of annoyance as I got up from my position on the ground.

"So how's Emily?" I asked Sam as we began walking down the beach.

"She's fine…she's just impatient to have the baby…a little nervous too," Sam laughed lightly.

"Well, she has no need to be nervous. She's going to be the perfect little mother," I smiled back, unable to keep myself from smiling at the sound of Sam's laugh. It had been so long since I had heard it.

We continued to walk in silence, only the sound of the violent waves to fill the static in the air between us. This Saturday night was just like all the others. The moon was bright and daunting, the air was cool and the gang was all together again, fooling around and doing their best to forget just how much of a dead end their lives have turned out to be. The only thing that had really changed was supposed to be me.

I shivered in the cold wind as I mused about just how quickly everything had changed in the past couple months. I had everything I wanted – just not the way I had wanted it.

"So how are you doing, Lee…with the, uh, you're situation…" Sam coughed softly, clearly uncomfortable.

"I guess I'm as good as I could be, Sam," I shrugged, wrapping my arms around myself as I stopped walking to take a good look at Sam. His eyes were dark, concerned, and sad.

"And Jacob…he's good to you, right?" He asked, leveling his eyes with mine questioningly.

"Why do you care, Sam?" I asked softly, my heart beating more quickly with each second of time that elapsed before he responded.

"Leah…you know I care about you. I just…I hate to see you this way. This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen," he shook his head, reaching his hands out to place them on my shoulders so that he could look into my eyes.

"Sam – " I breathed in, unable to grasp my words. I could feel myself begin to shake in panic. I didn't know what was happening, or why he felt the need to care, but it had to stop.

"Are you sure you can do this Lee?" he asked almost inaudibly, his eyes softer than I'd ever seen them. "Are you sure you can do this with, or without him?"

"It's too late Sam. It's too late to question it, and it's damn too late for you to care," I spat, shoving his hands away from me as my breaths became quicker.

"Lee Lee," he sighed, shaking his head dejectedly as I stared intensely into his eyes.

An intense pain crept its way from the back of my skull to the front as my breathing evened itself out. My feet began to move beneath me as I walked briskly back to the bonfire, my arms wrapped around my four months pregnant midsection.

I turned around only once to look at Sam still standing there, tall and strong as ever.

"Go home to your wife, Sam. She needs you, and I sure as fuck don't," I growled as I continued to walk, the distance between us growing with every footstep.

I needed to get back to what had become familiar. I needed to get back to what I knew. I needed to get back to Jacob.

And I needed to let the past go.


End file.
